Whiterun Guard
by jonthedit
Summary: Whiterun Guard Evolves
1. Whiterun Guard

There lived a Whiterun Guard in Whiterun.  
Whiterun Guard was born as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Guard grew up as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Guard was trained as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Guard is a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Guard was sad. Whiterun Guard was not being a true Whiterun Guard and instead was being like all the other Whiterun Guards. "Let me guess, someone stole your sweetroll?" A Whiterun Guard said to Whiterun Guard.  
Whiterun Guard just stared at the other Whiterun Guard and said. "No brother, I am sick and tired of STICKING TO GAME DIALOG YOU USELESS PILE OF FAIRY DUST?.!"  
A Whiterun Guard pulled out his sword and said, "You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people, what say you in your defense?" Whiterun Guard just shucked his sword to the floor and began jacking off Whiterun Guard's helmet. Whiterun Guard tugged harder and harder and finally Whiterun Guard gave up and used some oil to help get it off. It came off smoothly and now Whiterun Guard was free of Whiterun Guard's helmet. Whiterun Guard was no longer a Whiterun Guard. Whiterun Guard was now a Maskless Whiterun Guard


	2. Chapter 2

There lived a Maskless Whiterun Guard in Whiterun.  
Maskless Whiterun Guard was born as a Whiterun Guard  
Maskless Whiterun Guard grew up as a Whiterun Guard  
Maskless Whiterun Guard was trained as a Whiterun Guard  
But now Maskless Whiterun Guard was a Maskless Whiterun Guard.  
Maskless Whiterun Guard committed crimes against Skyrim and her people, and said Maskless Whiterun Guard wanted to break from the game dialog.  
Now the Whiterun Guard was stunned, not knowing where to go or what to do, because Player had not been present when this apocalypse had occurred. Finally Whiterun Guard decided to pretend to ignore what had happened, as the almighty Player did not see the incident. Player is a sacred born, and all must be scripted as programmed in Player presence. Maskless Whiterun Guard ran from Whiterun Guard and into Jorrsvaska (the ghetto dark elf version of companuns 100% OC) There Maskless Whiterun Guard ran into Kodlak! Kodlak was in bear form (Bruce says bears are color than Weerwulves?) plus Kodlak was a dark elf! Kodlak is eating an high elf. Maskless Whiterun Guard says to Kodlak, "Oi! Some say seven bear penises are stronger than fifty-two elf leon sneakers. Can you teach me to use two handed?" The bear-vagina Kodlag says to Maskless Whiterun Guard, "Grrrooowowiwow!" Then polio pops up and Maskless Whiterun Guard spams E. 5010 Gold(s) Removed. 5020 Gold(s) Removed. 5030 Gold(s) Removed. 5040 Gold(s) Removed. 5050 Gold(s) Removed. You must level up to train more. Maskless Whiterun Guard preses tab and then Maskless Whiterun Guard drops shield and one-handed sword. Kodlak bear gives to Maskless Whiterun Guard two-handed war-hammar of frost. Maskless Whiterun Guard is now Whiterun Bandit.


	3. Chapter 3

There lived a Whiterun Bandit in Whiterun.  
Whiterun Bandit was born as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Bandit grew up as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Bandit was trained as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Bandit committed crimes against Skyrim and her people, and became Maskless Whiterun Guard but now Kodlak gave Whiterun Bandit frost warhamar and Whiterun Bandit dropped Whiterun Bandit's sword and shield.  
But now Whiterun Bandit is a Whiterun Bandit  
Whiterun Bandit ran to the Jarl of Windhelm, Ulfric of Lyoko. Whiterun Bandit said to Ulfric of Lyoko, "XANA is attacking." And the Ulfric of Lyoko disappeared. Whiterun Bandit knew Ulfric of Lyoko would be back soon after car jacking and checking the factory of Player world. Whiterun Bandit quickly bandited all of the supplies of Ulfric of Lyoko and ran away. But Ulfric of Lyoko watched his secrety camras when he came in his bed. He knew Whiterun Bandit had stole. Whiterun Bandit was now Whiterun Outlaw.


	4. Chapter 4

There lived a Whiterun Outlaw in Whiterun.  
Whiterun Outlaw was born as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Outlaw grew up as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Outlaw was trained as a Whiterun Guard  
Whiterun Outlaw committed crimes against Skyrim and her people, and became Maskless Whiterun Guard, and then a Bandit by pilfering Ulfric of Lyoko, but now Whiterun Outlaw had to run because Ulfric of Lyoko had crime on piece of tape.  
But now Whiterun Outlaw is Whiterun Outlaw.  
Whiterun Outlaw ran for many miles. Stopping only to save, pushing hardness of cold. Whiterun Outlaw made it to Soltheism.  
Whiterun Outlaw was now free of previously committed crimes against Skyrim and her people because Whiterun Outlaw was not in Skyrim anymore. Whiterun Outlaw is now Outlander.


	5. Outlander

There lived a Outlander in Soletheism.  
Outlander was born as a Whiterun Guard  
Outlander grew up as a Whiterun Guard  
Outlander was trained as a Whiterun Guard  
Outlander committed crimes against Skyrim and her people, and became Maskless Whiterun Guard, and then a Bandit, and Outlaw. But now has traveled to Soltheism and is free.  
But now Outlander is Outlander  
Outlander went to village of Rock, and people said to Outlander, "Outlander are not welcome. Go fuck yourself." Then Outlander had elephant or is penis? Outlander realiced that all Nords are created with same dialog for reasons- but not just Nords- every NPC in Skyrom! Player would be upset if all were not treat Player same! And so Outlander decided to fix this terrible land- Soltheism - rid free dialog and enforce forced programming- and so Outlander walked a dark path of development and coding hax, to become Miraak.  
Whiterun Guard had become... DRAGONBORN!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!1!1!1!1!1111!


	6. Chapter 6

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The end :)


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